notable quotable

me talking to kim about game boy and his excessive use of the "haha":

"he just isn't very funny. that's why he tacks on the "haha" at the end of everything. to cue my laughter."

votre grenouille a mangé mon dejeuner

if i were a man with a soul, i'd fall in love with the girl who wrote:

books like einstein's dreams make me wistful for alternate universes where time has different qualities, closets have portals to other worlds, and cupboards make toy indians come alive. sigh.

wouldn't you?

only a geek like me...

... would love a shirt like this:

marathon man and fuzzy dating math.

okay, now for the good news. i did make a connection with someone else online. he's a wee bit older than the men i usually go for (okay, he's 36... which is about 12 years older than what i average). but he seems silly (in a good way), has excellent email presence, is witty, charming, and appears to have actually read my profile (which i put a lot of work into). he brings out my relaxed and cheeky side, which is no small feat in the middle of finals.

and he offers up interesting things to do. for example, when i asked game boy about good places in his neighborhood he couldn't name any! nada. that must mean something... i just don't know what. marathon man, on the other hand, proposed two awesome places in my neighborhood, one of which happens to be one of my very favorites: dive 75. he gets major points for that, right?

so the age thing. it kind of scares me. i don't know why... but, maybe because i've always felt younger than my age. not so much immature as less experienced. *shrug* but, i'm trying to challenge myself to step outside of my comfort zone by breaking old habits, like dating different iterations of ex-boyfriends, escapism, and running away at the slightest hint of discomfort. in fact, i'm considering making 2007 the year of strategically placed "yesses." (i don't think i could say yes to everybody... baby steps, you know). we'll have to see how bold i'm feeling in the new year.

so how old is too old? and how young is too young? well, my good friend melanie posed this answer, which i absolutely love. your range is the determined by the following formulas:

the youngest you can go: ( [your age] / 2 ) + 7 (for example: 26/2 + 7 = 20)
the oldest you can go: ( [your age] - 7 ) * 2 (for example: (26 - 7) * 2 = 38)

enjoy!

the game boy.

so, right about now is the time that i come up with a catchy little pseudonym for people i go out with on match, so that i can dish about them on blogger. paulix suggest that the first guy be called "the new katz"--in reference to the smoldering flame i once held for mr. dlkatz of 306 north state. ah me. it's a little unwieldy, so i'm actually going to go for "the game boy" for reasons which will become apparent below.

so, game boy: after much beating around the bush (a couple of emails back and forth, and some inquiries about how i'm liking match.com), finally finally finally asked me out: "think you might be up for actually getting together?" i sent him my email address and about an hour later, a little note popped up on gmail asking if it would be okay if game boy chatted with me. oh man. real time conversation... pretty scary. it was only then i realized how safe i'd been playing it behind the security of a website interface. the first few moments of chatting seemed harmless enough... though he did inqure as to whether i was on friendster or myspace, which i thought odd, since there are plenty of photos of me up on match.com. we threw around some ideas for our date, and he coyly suggested playing video games, or rather, teaching me how to play video games. it was cute enough, given the context of the convo. hence the name... the game boy. so this is where it gets a little weird...

1. he tacks on a "haha" to the end of everything he says. i counted twenty times. sure, i use haha's too, but i only used them four times in the course of our conversation. i know, i know, this is akin to me throwing on a "just kidding" at the end of everything i say, but it was just plain awkward. and not the endearing awkward that i usually fawn over. oh, and he uses "u" instead of "you." one of my biggest pet peeves ever. i know that i need to take a step back because the intertwang is my domain. i think i'm pretty savvy when it comes to having an online conversation or writing an email... it's a medium that just works for me. i'm trying to remember that internet presence doesn't translate to bad in-person presence. i'm trying... but i love people who can flirt effectively in text format. it's one of my turn-ons... so much so that this might be a deal-breaker. eep.

2. he asked me to be his girlfriend. well, he asked: "how can i make you my girlfriend?" i'm not kidding... while it was coy and makes more sense in the context of the converation... still... whoa nelly. i might be on my way to becoming a born-again romantic... but i still don't believe in love at first sight, especially over the webosphere. why not wait until after a drink or two to start having those kinds of delusions.

3. he kept talking about kissing me. as if it was a given. again.... see arguments in #2. you're cute, i'll grant you that. but i'm a little particular about the people i lay lips on. one gchat does not mean we'll be making out. in fact, he started off with saying that he would let me win at video games so that he wouldn't miss out on a kiss. let me win??? i had to stifle my indignance. i told him: "i like to earn my victories." booyakasha.

4. then he asked: "do you mind that i'm jewish?" those who know me will find this question quite humorous. isn't it an odd question? i mean, he states on his profile that he's jewish, and if i minded i wouldn't have winked at him. it makes me think he must have had some evangelistic girlfriend in the past try to convert him. my response? "No, unless YOU mind that you're jewish, but then that's really not my problem."

UPDATE: while waiting for the train home, alexis and jenny gave their thumbs down. definitely weird was the consensus.

so, okay, he might not seem to be good boyfriend material, but could he be good dating experience material? i mean, part of the reason i signed up for this whole thang is to go through the whole awkwardness of dating... i mean, none of us really dated in college, right? i know i didn't. it would be like how i signed up for a trillion interviews for jobs i wasn't interested in so that i could get comfortable answering questions in my suit. and what is dating but an interview over drinks and dinner?

"what's in a name?" and other short stories...

you can tell a lot about someone from their handle on match.com. or rather, you can justify making snap judgements about a person based entirely on their handle. i agonized over mine before settling for something that seemed to say enough without saying the wrong things. what are the wrong things? well, putting your profession in your name gives me a weird vibe, particularly if that profession is banker, trader, or lawyer. it makes me think of an identity exercise i did for class, where we had to list our most salient identities. i'm not so sure i'm keen on someone whose most salient identity is their high-paying job. i tend to skip over these men. (wow, i'm incredibly judgemental, aren't i?) also, saying you are "hotstuff294" or "da_stud" do not win you any points either. the best one i've encountered yet was the handle: EQ_IQ_GQ. if that doesn't sum up exactly what i'm looking for in a man, i don't know what does. i promptly gave him a wink.

what i'm finding out on match is that every detail matters. for example, for awhile, i had "curvy" down as my body type, but once i started browsing i noticed that no men had "curvy" up on their list of what they're looking for in a mate. most had "slender" or "athletic" neither of which i am. and then there was "about average" which was listed way more than "curvy" was. which made me realize, though i shouldn't have been surprised, that "curvy" on the intertwang is just a cute little euphemism for fat. this was confirmed when i clicked the link on my profile to find more people like me... not to be cruel, but this is the reality of the virtual dating world. as i once used to say: "you never know if the person on the other end is just a large wooden rabbit." whatever that means. so now, sadly, i'm "about average" and wondering if my lips really are my best feature... i can't really bring myself to say my ass...

my other big fear was that i would get lost in a sea of women whose profiles started with: "sexy, intelligent, sassy woman looking for sensitive, hot man for dinner dates, cuddling, and maybe more...." so not my style. i can't get into the long disccussion of who i am and what i want... even though i know that's what dr. phil wants me to do. but, i find the self-descriptions to be somewhat annoying, self-aggrandizing, and probably pretty inaccurate in that a lot of them are highly subjective. i read plenty of profiles that say: "i'm sexy." and i look at the picture and think, "doesn't really work for me." so i stuck with "facts" as in "fact: i love cupcakes." doesn't that tell you more about me than an "i am sexy"? whether you find that sexy, repulsive, boring, endearing, or whatever is up to you... they are what they are... facts.

another thing i'm noticing is that i get a lot of attention from asian men. which, i think is because asian men are looking for asian women. for this reason, i've considered removing "asian" from my profile and just telling people about my asian-ness once i get to know them. it's really a silly thing to have to point out. well, that and i think that aside from the aesthetic quality of being asian, it's not my most salient identity and one i feel says the least about me. i mean i'm asian, but culturally speaking i'm neither here nor there with being asian. and, i've been told, i'm really more jewish than asian. haha.

so far, the conversion rate is pretty low... 206 profile views... 30 people have winked or emailed, and out of those, i'm chatting with one of 'em about possibly getting together. on my end i've winked at maybe 17 men, two of whom have winked back, one of which has emailed and we've started chatting and have talked about setting up a date and playing halo. (yes halo) so... 3 /206 = just a hair over 1% conversion from profile view to date. i wonder if that's pretty standard. while this might seem slightly demoralizing, it does appeal to me that the numbers are still pretty low. part of my hesistancy with the online dating thing was that it just seemed too easy... too served up on a platter. where's the struggle and challenge of romance? i like that the odds are still against you, to some extent, because if love was easy, then it wouldn't be special. and i just LOVE that you can quantify it. god, i'm a dork. no wonder i'm still single.

poor man's tolkien.

squeeze me? did i really just hear eragon being described as "the greatest movie event of the year..." someone is on drugs. and that someone is making movie trailers. did he even see the movie? the whole thing is one big fat rip off of lord of the rings. i mean, c'mon... aragorn? eragon? and what wasn't stolen from mr. tolkien was the cheesiest drivel ever: "a wise man once said, one part brave, three parts fool?" gag me. i spent the whole time rolling my eyes at paul.

then i came home and started reading about mr. paolini and his so-called fantasy genius... just because he's 15 does not mean he's not a plagiarist. nor does it mean that he's a protegy. derivative my ass... the entire story was lord-of-the-rings-lite, with a dash of star wars. what appalls me is that no one, at any point during the screenwriting, production, filming, and editing stopped the presses and said: "wow, isn't this eerily like lord of the rings?" that would have been a good time to pull the plug. and how did rachel weisz and jeremy irons and john malkovich end up starring in this piece of crap film? what a low-point...

my only consolation was that i got to expend some much needed energy ranting about the ridiculousness that is this film. if you want to see it, wait until it comes to dvd.

new blog fodder.

wow. are you guys in for a treat or what?

i recently scheduled some much needed sponteneity into my life, which many of my friends applauded as quite "modern" of me. oh-so du jour. meaning, i wasn't sitting around my house waiting around for things to happen, i was taking charge, making waves, and being slightly controversial. in the midst of it all, i proudly embraced this modern, busy, independent woman.

but, i've been considering lately that maybe i've mistaken "cynicism" for "modernism." i wonder if i subconsciously fill my days with conferences, papers, readings, projects, internships, applications, etc., to escape the fact that i feel like i have absolutely no control over my dating life. so, with the year winding down and all, and the feeling of having a fresh, new start (new year, new semester), i figure i should start thinking about what it is i want and how i'm going to go about achieving it in 2007. you can call them resolutions if you want. i'm calling it my strategem... my last ditch effort to save myself from the abyss of cynicism.

so. as part of this game plan...






... i signed up for match.com.

[crickets]

so now, along with diatribes about express mail and riveting minute-by-minute accounts of my strategery paper, you get to hear all abouts my foray into the world of internet dating. which, i anticipate, will provide plenty of blog-worthy material. my first observation is that it doesn't seem to matter that i'm only looking for men between the ages of 25 and 30, because my first wink came from a 41-year old. i know that, at some point, age ain't nothing but a number, but i haven't gotten to that point yet. putting 30 down was still kind of scary for me. my second observation is that i described myself as "curvy" and found that not many men are that interested in "curvy." most want slender, or athletic, or "about average." but, i think curvy suits me just right so i'm sticking with it.

anyways, not that this is really going to go anywhere before the new years, since i do have pages to go before i sleep, but i just thought i'd announce this monumentous milestone event. stay tuned for updates!

i like you.

i unwrapped an early xmas/birthday present from paul yesterday and i love it! the book is chockful of entertaining tips, menus, party suggestions, and recipes for snacks, main courses, and even the beloved rooster's "f*ck it bucket." i wish i had the time and the resources to entertain (i might make that bucket of candy), but amy sedaris has many other pearls of wisdom to share. interspersed between recipes and rules of etiquette are tidbits on how to put on panty hose and suggestions for blind date conversations. the book should be called: a single girl's guide to getting through life. honestly

on a related note, wolka, paul, and i watched strangers with candy on friday. actually, we all started watching it, and then paul boycotted and wolka and i were left to cringe through the awkwardness. ish don't think so, on strangers. but "whassup!" on i like you.

thanks paul!

maybe i've finally rid myself of that kalamazoo accent...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
The South
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

i'm in no mood.

yesterday, someone rang my doorbell. i opened the door and a fedex man is standing outside my door. he asks me, "do you mind holding this package for your neighbor?" now, i'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, but i said no. why? because there are two semi-creepy older men who live in my building and i'd rather not have them lurking around my apartment to pick up a package. particularly during finals, when i lay low and try not to have my creative process disturbed. also, i keep odd hours... i'm gone in the evenings and here in the mornings, and most people have the exact reverse schedule. which is why i rarely see any of my neighbors. which is why i don't want to hold this package. anyways, i said no.

what does the guy do? he starts bullying me. first he pleads. again, i say no. then he tries to appeal to my sympathy, by saying that the package has apples in it and will probably go bad? i tell him i'll sign for it, but i'd rather he left it next to their door. i explained that i don't want to worry about being home given my schedule. but no... for some reason this is unacceptable (who's doing WHO a favor here?) he wants me to sign for it and keep it in my apartment. again i say no. then he threatens me by saying that next time he ever has to deliver a package for me, he'll make sure that i have to go all the way to brooklyn for it.

WTF?!?!

look, just because i live on the first floor of the apartment building does not make me the middleman for packages. i'm not concierge or a doorman. if these people wanted that service, they would splurge on an apartment in a doorman building. you asked, i said no, and i have my reasons, so please leave a poor girl alone to write her epistle. god, the nerve!

update.

if i've seem cranky lately, and maybe a wee bit absent from the blogsophere, blame my 30-page paper that isn't writing itself. though, now, it is moving along slowly but surely, at a rate of one-page per day. i'm up to 12 pages now, with the hope that i'm nearing some sort of tipping point, and i'll suddenly write the rest of it in one afternoon, and go out for beers afterwards. hah. we'll see.

here are a few things that are getting me through life:
*yesterday, the woman who usually gives me a hard time about my addiction to cupcakes (i know she loves me) gave me a cupcake for free. life is about these simple joys.
*i am counting down the days to whistler, our first north american family vacation in ages. i'm thrilled because i've never been to whistler, i haven't been snowboarding in forever (and only then, it was some snowed over trash dump in michigan), and because i don't have to dread an 18-hour flight across the pacific the minute my finals are over.
*yippee! i just found out on saturday that i got a $300 scholarship to attend the group relations conference in january out in boston.
*paul is coming into town for a quick trip this weekend. this means i have an excuse to venture out of the upper west side. i haven't left the uws since thanksgiving. i kid you not. it's really tragic.

a rant about the dearth of happy endings.

when i sign up to watch a romantic comedy i expect there to be a happy ending. people need to fall in love. they need to go through the necessary trials of being in love. but then it all has to work out in the end. i'm sorry, but i do not watch a romantic comedy to see something realistic... like... jennifer aniston wanting to win back vince vaughn all throughout the break up, but then when he has his breakthrough moment and realize that he will change for her, oh no, whoops, she's had a change of heart. there is nothing romantic about that. no! they are supposed to fall back in love again, buy their apartment back for a ridiculous price, and find a way to compromise about the pool table and the dining room. i am woman in her mid-20s (soon to be late 20s) with no boyfriend. i have enough realism in my own relationships and i look to romantic comedies as a way to escape the lack of romance in my own life. i want grand sweeping gestures of love. i want impossibilities to work out. i want flowers and violins and risk-taking in the name of love! i do not want a story where two ex-lovers meet in the street at the end and realize that even though they didn't work out in the end, everything is all good. no! i saw prime and i saw the break up and it ended with that exact same scene!!! where are the stories about love-against-all-odds? i am disgruntled with the entire romantic comedy industry. make something that will make single women everywhere hopeful, you assholes.

nora ephron... where art thou?