"what's in a name?" and other short stories...
you can tell a lot about someone from their handle on match.com. or rather, you can justify making snap judgements about a person based entirely on their handle. i agonized over mine before settling for something that seemed to say enough without saying the wrong things. what are the wrong things? well, putting your profession in your name gives me a weird vibe, particularly if that profession is banker, trader, or lawyer. it makes me think of an identity exercise i did for class, where we had to list our most salient identities. i'm not so sure i'm keen on someone whose most salient identity is their high-paying job. i tend to skip over these men. (wow, i'm incredibly judgemental, aren't i?) also, saying you are "hotstuff294" or "da_stud" do not win you any points either. the best one i've encountered yet was the handle: EQ_IQ_GQ. if that doesn't sum up exactly what i'm looking for in a man, i don't know what does. i promptly gave him a wink.
what i'm finding out on match is that every detail matters. for example, for awhile, i had "curvy" down as my body type, but once i started browsing i noticed that no men had "curvy" up on their list of what they're looking for in a mate. most had "slender" or "athletic" neither of which i am. and then there was "about average" which was listed way more than "curvy" was. which made me realize, though i shouldn't have been surprised, that "curvy" on the intertwang is just a cute little euphemism for fat. this was confirmed when i clicked the link on my profile to find more people like me... not to be cruel, but this is the reality of the virtual dating world. as i once used to say: "you never know if the person on the other end is just a large wooden rabbit." whatever that means. so now, sadly, i'm "about average" and wondering if my lips really are my best feature... i can't really bring myself to say my ass...
my other big fear was that i would get lost in a sea of women whose profiles started with: "sexy, intelligent, sassy woman looking for sensitive, hot man for dinner dates, cuddling, and maybe more...." so not my style. i can't get into the long disccussion of who i am and what i want... even though i know that's what dr. phil wants me to do. but, i find the self-descriptions to be somewhat annoying, self-aggrandizing, and probably pretty inaccurate in that a lot of them are highly subjective. i read plenty of profiles that say: "i'm sexy." and i look at the picture and think, "doesn't really work for me." so i stuck with "facts" as in "fact: i love cupcakes." doesn't that tell you more about me than an "i am sexy"? whether you find that sexy, repulsive, boring, endearing, or whatever is up to you... they are what they are... facts.
another thing i'm noticing is that i get a lot of attention from asian men. which, i think is because asian men are looking for asian women. for this reason, i've considered removing "asian" from my profile and just telling people about my asian-ness once i get to know them. it's really a silly thing to have to point out. well, that and i think that aside from the aesthetic quality of being asian, it's not my most salient identity and one i feel says the least about me. i mean i'm asian, but culturally speaking i'm neither here nor there with being asian. and, i've been told, i'm really more jewish than asian. haha.
so far, the conversion rate is pretty low... 206 profile views... 30 people have winked or emailed, and out of those, i'm chatting with one of 'em about possibly getting together. on my end i've winked at maybe 17 men, two of whom have winked back, one of which has emailed and we've started chatting and have talked about setting up a date and playing halo. (yes halo) so... 3 /206 = just a hair over 1% conversion from profile view to date. i wonder if that's pretty standard. while this might seem slightly demoralizing, it does appeal to me that the numbers are still pretty low. part of my hesistancy with the online dating thing was that it just seemed too easy... too served up on a platter. where's the struggle and challenge of romance? i like that the odds are still against you, to some extent, because if love was easy, then it wouldn't be special. and i just LOVE that you can quantify it. god, i'm a dork. no wonder i'm still single.
what i'm finding out on match is that every detail matters. for example, for awhile, i had "curvy" down as my body type, but once i started browsing i noticed that no men had "curvy" up on their list of what they're looking for in a mate. most had "slender" or "athletic" neither of which i am. and then there was "about average" which was listed way more than "curvy" was. which made me realize, though i shouldn't have been surprised, that "curvy" on the intertwang is just a cute little euphemism for fat. this was confirmed when i clicked the link on my profile to find more people like me... not to be cruel, but this is the reality of the virtual dating world. as i once used to say: "you never know if the person on the other end is just a large wooden rabbit." whatever that means. so now, sadly, i'm "about average" and wondering if my lips really are my best feature... i can't really bring myself to say my ass...
my other big fear was that i would get lost in a sea of women whose profiles started with: "sexy, intelligent, sassy woman looking for sensitive, hot man for dinner dates, cuddling, and maybe more...." so not my style. i can't get into the long disccussion of who i am and what i want... even though i know that's what dr. phil wants me to do. but, i find the self-descriptions to be somewhat annoying, self-aggrandizing, and probably pretty inaccurate in that a lot of them are highly subjective. i read plenty of profiles that say: "i'm sexy." and i look at the picture and think, "doesn't really work for me." so i stuck with "facts" as in "fact: i love cupcakes." doesn't that tell you more about me than an "i am sexy"? whether you find that sexy, repulsive, boring, endearing, or whatever is up to you... they are what they are... facts.
another thing i'm noticing is that i get a lot of attention from asian men. which, i think is because asian men are looking for asian women. for this reason, i've considered removing "asian" from my profile and just telling people about my asian-ness once i get to know them. it's really a silly thing to have to point out. well, that and i think that aside from the aesthetic quality of being asian, it's not my most salient identity and one i feel says the least about me. i mean i'm asian, but culturally speaking i'm neither here nor there with being asian. and, i've been told, i'm really more jewish than asian. haha.
so far, the conversion rate is pretty low... 206 profile views... 30 people have winked or emailed, and out of those, i'm chatting with one of 'em about possibly getting together. on my end i've winked at maybe 17 men, two of whom have winked back, one of which has emailed and we've started chatting and have talked about setting up a date and playing halo. (yes halo) so... 3 /206 = just a hair over 1% conversion from profile view to date. i wonder if that's pretty standard. while this might seem slightly demoralizing, it does appeal to me that the numbers are still pretty low. part of my hesistancy with the online dating thing was that it just seemed too easy... too served up on a platter. where's the struggle and challenge of romance? i like that the odds are still against you, to some extent, because if love was easy, then it wouldn't be special. and i just LOVE that you can quantify it. god, i'm a dork. no wonder i'm still single.
posted by cheeky monkey at 3:06 PM
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