you're a shmoopsie-poo!!!

the first thing i thought was: "disney makes condoms? that's disturbing." the second thing i thought was, "it's even more disturbing that my mom would leave disney condoms lying around!"

thankfully, they are not condoms. they are disney pins packaged as if they were condoms. one pin even says: "mr. incredible... i work alone." yes, i know it's in reference to a cartoon, but how can you not see the double entendre? this is akin to bubble gum packaged as chewing tobacco, or chocolate packaged as cigarettes. didn't anyone stop to say to production or marketing, "you know, this might sound crazy, but it kind of looks like we're giving away condoms. which might be a little weird given that our target audience is between the ages of 4 and 12." i'm all for sex education, but i'm just not sure i want mickey mouse to be the spokesperson. though, the one-eyed monster (featured on my pin, above)... well, that makes sense.

congratulations, dinah and bon-bon!

"do you know any ilongo*? no? let me teach you some cuss words!" - dinah

this quotation, uttered days before her wedding, sums up why, despite the fact that she is 9 years my senior, ate** dinah is my favorite cousin ever. days before her wedding, she was still her irreverent and giggly self. when asked how her and her soon-to-be husband, bon-bon, met, she deadpanned: "i got him drunk. or wait, did he get me drunk? it was at a bar... i think we were both really drunk."

*ilongo is the dialect spoken in negros occidental, which is where my mom and dad are from. it's different enough from tagalog that i don't actually understand most of it and usually require a translator.
**ate (pronounced ah-Teh) means "older sister/cousin/friend"... so for those of you who've been wondering about this blog's url, ate tin-tin is the name i commonly go by in the philippines.

***this is the view from the winding road to the tiny "chapel on a hill" where the ceremony was held. the entourage was so big (ten bridesmaids, ten groomsmen, twenty godparents) that, during some moments, there were more people at the alter than there were seated in the pews.

***

i've been to a number of filipino weddings, but dinah's was the first where i saw the following tradition. ribbons were place around both the bride and the groom, and while they danced, people would come up to pin money on them. apparently, this old tradition, to help newlyweds get on their feet, is from the province of iloilo and is being revived in modern, urban weddings.

the shirt bon-bon is wearing is called a barong, and is the traditional formal wear in the philippines and made from pina, or pineapple husk. it is delicately embroidered and sheer, usually worn untucked over an undershirt, which wikipedia says is a vestige of spanish colonization.

incidentally, dinah's dress, as well as accents on the bridesmaids dresses were also made of pina.

***

so, it turns out that people start asking "who's next?" before the wedding cake has even been sliced and served. and, all eyes turned to me because, haha, apparently, i'm *gulp* next--out of eleven cousins, seven down, four to go... not that i'm going to run off and get hitched simply because, chronologically speaking, it's my turn. but, it was amusing to actually observe the pressure begin to build as, one by one, aunts and uncles stopped by my table to ask: "when? when? when???" the right answer to the question would be "soon" or "next year" or even, "we haven't set a date yet." the wrong answer is my answer: "not soon." and it doesn't help to say: "no, i don't have a boyfriend." looks of consternation abounded. i sense that this is only the beginning.

safe and sound

i know there's been some concern stateside, what with the indonesian tsunami and all. the family is fine, as jakarta is in northern java. kaye, mom, and i just got in today from las filipinas. i have some pics and posts up as soon as i can hijack the computer for more than fifteen minutes.

jesus, focker.

a couple of hours ago, i experienced a "meet the parents" moment... after arriving, i went to go get my ticket for the next leg of my trip (singapore-manila), where i was promptly told by the woman behind the counter: "please take a number and we will be with you shortly." i looked at her, brow furrowed, looked at the flashing 858, looked around at the emptiness to my left, then my right, and behind me, looked back at her and asked: "are you serious? i have to get a number??" for effect i subtly waved my cane, as if to say: "you're asking me to hobble 20 feet to get a number, and come back, simply for the sake of protocol? i'm a f*cking gimp!" she was not to be swayed, so i glowered, limped over to take my number (#860--because between my glare and my bum leg, someone had beat me to the ticket line) and limped back just as 860 started to flash. never has my energy been so uselessly expended. airline industry-1, kristine-0.

***

aside from the aforementioned tomfoolery, my 18-hour trip has been quite wonderful, due in no small part to my very new favorite accessory, my cane. the kindness of complete strangers has been tremendously overwhelming: a choir of TSA security cooed sympathetically i limped through the metal detector... the stewardesses doted upon me, bringing me fresh icepacks and pillows every few hours to console my throbbing toe... and my seat buddy didn't complain once, even though i got up about 5 times to pee. i might have to rock the cane every time i travel... hmmm...

***

my long flights home afford me the opportunity to guiltlessly catch up on my movie watching:

• spiderman 2: pretty good/entertaining... though not as fun as the xmen series, batman begins, or superman--but i am psyched for spiderman 3
• failure to launch: thank god i didn't impulsively purchase this at best buy the other day... one viewing was enough... doesn't anyone know how to make a good romantic comedy anymore? usually bringing to the surface someone's deep-seated trauma does not make for happy resolutions...
• dangerous liaisons: i've been wanting to watch this movie for a long time and it did not disappoint... i'm infatuated with the double entendres couched in very proper english... any chance we can bring that back?
• and, of course, i watched 8 below, which had me whimpering for about an hour and a half. a man who hugs his dogs is a man after my own heart. its paul walker's best role to date.

***

i'll be in the Philippines for a few days, which includes some time spent at my cousin's wedding. posting will probably resume when i arrive in indonesia, though i will make an effort if my grandparents' dial-up isn't too finicky. miss you all (even more than i miss cupcakes and pret-a-manger).

mobile meme.

my cell phone used to look a lot cooler (photo via aja). *sigh* but paulix took his back back last weekend... i might have to buddy up with my sister, though i don't know if her silver back will go with my hot pink number. it's like a millenium best friends forever necklace... but way more awesome.

public relations

as per aja's recommendation, i'm changing my tune. my toe injury will heretoforth be known as a sex sprain, caused by toe-curling ecstacy gone awry. pretend you never knew about the dumbbells.

kiss the cane*

in my desperation to be mobile, i chased down hobbled after an older gentleman on w. 85th yesterday to find out where i could get a cane similar to his. i'm now a proud owner of this walking aide, which makes me feel very dignified, and has the effect of eliciting much pity and gestures of goodwill. the new york public transporation system has been especially sympathetic, with cabbies open doors for me and bus drivers waiting patiently has i limp towards the stop.

*the title harkens to an evening elie spent pimpin' himself out with a cane.

update: bring out the gimp

according to my online self-diagnosis, and confirmed by the urgent care physician at university health services, the toe is broken. i'm going to call it a sports injury since there were dumbbells involved. so, even though i know that there is nothing really to be done about a broken toe, i started freaking myself out with the medical advice on the web. by the way, is it just me or is there something really funny asinine about having a "broken toe causes" section... it's not like i'm sitting around wondering: "well, was it because i had peas for dinner last night? Or maybe it's because i didn't drink enough water..." i mean, come ON! when you experience the excrutiating pain of "trauma or injury to the foot or toe," there is no question as to what caused your broken toe, other than clumsiness, bad luck, sheer stupidity, or all of the above.

anyways, i'm a hypochondriac to begin with, so when i saw the words "arthritis" and "deformity" i immediately called the doctor:

kristine: i just don't want to lose the toe or something because i didn't come in when i should have.
doctor: i wouldn't worry about it... i'm sure you will find your toe by morning. in the meantime, i prescribe an automobile culture and athletic tape.

i love it when doctors are good-humored, even at my expense. wait, does this put a damper on my surfing plans???

overheard.

(on gchat)
kristine: if i had known he was straight, i might not have been so... me.

&#$@#@*$!@#&!!!!!!

translation: f*ck-mother-f*cker-f*ck-sh*t!!! while getting ready for work this morning i stubbed my toe on one of my 8 pound dumbbells. i heard a crack when it happened and swore like a pirate with tourettes. the trip to CVS to pick up athletic tape took about 15 minutes longer than usual and hurt like a mofo. when i took off my shoes, the toe was a deepening shade of black-purple--like a rotting grape. travelling with a foot injury is going to be some fun, i'm telling you. walking in a wedding in one week is going to spectacular. and the evening of jazz i have planned for tomorrow better not involve any dancing, because i will probably be hobbling on elie's pimping geriatric cane.

the good news, and this is for aja, is that, while browsing the first aid for foot injuries section of CVS, i spied those shin splint thingamajigs that you wrap around your leg, right under your knee. maybe your days as a marathoner aren't over after all.

things i learned in west virginia

1. i can't dive. yes, i will jump off big rocks into the water. but i don't get any points for grace or form. and i lose points because i will sometimes randomly shriek in midair. i get major points, though, for conquering my fears with the scary 25 footer into the lake. and the small 15 footer that paulix made me do.

2. appropriate footwear is key. i tried to hike to the lake in watersocks... not so much fun. i thought i could get away wearing running shoes on the hike to the river... would have been better off wearing my flip flops... which anna marie did (i'm impressed and smitten.)

3. camping is really all about food. the other stuff (hiking, climbing, swimming), is what you do between meals to work up an appetite. the first night, we started cooking our six course meal at 10pm... a steak appetizer, corn-on-the-cob, grilled chicken, roasted garlic, indian curry with rice, and s'mores of course. the next night, we roughed it and went out to fayetteville, wv, to an incredibly amazing pizza joint, pies and pints. quite possibly the best pizza i've had in the longest time. and root beer on tap... can't beat that.

4. it is more satisfying to find hidden treasures, like secluded riverfront beaches, when you spend the morning being lost in your car, and you decide not to settle on some rocky shore, and instead commit to spending the afternoon looking for better land. chances are, you'll find it, and it'll feel oh-so-good.

5. river yoga. warrior poses on a rock overlooking the rushing waters. doesn't get more zen than that, folks.

6. gee whiz trivia: daddy long legs spiders are rumored to have deadly poison, but mouths too small to penetrate human flesh. i don't know if this is true or not (wikipedia says it's not), but what i do know is that, in the woods, a spider can nuzzle my neck and i will calmly (but assertively) flick it away. on the car ride home, however, a daddy long legs on my knee will elicit a very different response. a very girly, loud, shrieky response.

7. showering daily is overrated. i like smelling like sweat and riverwater. but, i will use deoderant.

8. favorite wombo: gomer + kmart = gomart... and they have gomarts all over west virginia. this was a thrilling moment for all of us... i'll add the photo when i get it from paulix.

9. best camping cocktail: jim beam + trader joes mango lemonade + firepit = chilaxin. oh, and you can also never have too many bud lites.

stages of grief

denial: i received a text from wolka on my train ride home from dc, saying that my man ben wallace has moved on to the bulls. i dismissed the message, since i don't believe most things until i've cited five credible sources on the internet... but it did give me feverish nap-dreams the rest of the ride home.

anger: at home, the very first thing i did, before even calling my parents, was whip out my laptop: why, ben, why? was it for the money? didn't the pistons clear up all that cap space? didn't you want to end your career in detroit? doesn't the fact that you've built your career in the palace mean anything to you? what about your superfans? WHY!?!?!

bargaining: maybe he'll change his mind? maybe they'll get rid of flip instead, and re-sign ben?

depression: i've been in the funkiest of funks... aside from the mourning, moping, and pouting, i've also been experiencing some anxiety about the upcoming season and suspicion about whether muhammed can fill big ben's shoes. okay, it's months away, but i'm now faced with a dilemma. i love the pistons, and about 45 percent of that love comes from my affection for ben wallace, his hair, and his general awesomeness. what does a fan do when her favorite player is suddenly wearing another jersey? do i root for the both the bulls and the pistons? what happens when they play each other??

acceptance: i'm working on this. my brother called with his condolences yesterday: "i saw the news and knew you'd be upset." wasn't that nice? he's a long-time bulls fan, though, so there was the inevitable: "you're going to have to root for the bulls now, you know?"

into the woods.

in about five minutes i'm off to west virginia, for my second camping trip ever. paulix, wolka, adam, and co. pictures and shenanigans to follow. perhaps some skinny dipping will be in the mix.

i hope i don't get eaten by a big bear.